In Your Own Words (II)

We previously talk about this on In Your Own Words (I).

Now we’ve gone to getting it done. Improving a good foundation:

“What I mean, what you mean, what we mean.

What makes me good, what makes you good, what makes us good.”

Yourself

How much do you know about the words you use on a daily basis?

How much do you know about the words you use to understand?

Have you ever thought of it?

Before getting into communication let’s talk a bit about knowledge first.

I’m not even sure if we could set a limit on factors that could define what we know, but I recurrently go over values, etymology, personal experience, facts, emotions…

Once I’ve self-assessed that, I try to find sources and different opinions. As a serious joke, I usually say I definitely have more than one inner voice. I have a complete crowd within me arguing, contra-arguing, and finding different approaches to whatever I happen to be thinking in a few seconds. Such an interesting mindset, to say the least.

But, for you, I’d say a good start is to do some healthy research on the topic you’re trying to understand. It’s quite likely that whatever it is you’re aiming to understand, someone else has thought and written about it already.

With this first step, you come not to a one-off state of knowledge, on the contrary. It is more like a loop. A checkpoint you come to every now and then… with some cadence.

In my case, when it comes to certainties, here is my most current update:

I don’t know everything.
Hence, I’m always open to learning and improving.
I can be wrong.
I have a good sense of what I know.
I also push to know what I don’t know.
I’m ready to jump in when all hell breaks loose.
I know once that spike is over, I’ll obsessively study the roots of that emergency so I learn and avoid being in that situation again.

I know once that spike is over, I’ll obsessively study the roots of that emergency so I learn and avoid being in that situation again.

Before leaving this self-knowledge check, let me share that I’ve referred to it as a “healthy habit”. It’s like filtering water or doing your laundry. In the same way we filter and do control checks on water so we don’t get poisoned, I do with my knowledge. In the same way we wash our clothes, I don’t get rid of them when they’re dirty or not perfect for the sake of it. My point? Questioning yourself is not doubting everything you are and jeopardising your self-esteem. It’s just a process, habit, value… in the same way you are open to learning and accepting you can be wrong, you’ll create rapport and grasp what you’ve learnt. You should be in a good position to share what you believe in, how you tackle certain tasks and always be ready to jump into whatever challenges you face in your career. In this sense, once you try and not learn just for replicating but to understand, you genuinely own it. You own your experience, and that should put you in a good position, maybe just a little step closer to, not only owning the decisions you make to leverage your career and professional life but to be fully aware of what’s going on and gain a pretty good perspective on what’s in front of you, out of your control, in a way you can hold yourself and become very good at reading scenarios, opportunities… and definitely good decision-making.

Not easy to nail, but hey, not many things that are worthy are (?).

In communication, this is just a component: what you know, what you don’t, what you own, what you don’t… and how you try to make sense of it. Then comes communication, and I’d encourage you to talk to yourself and be both your most critical and most loyal partner. Take care of yourself, but never stop being brutally honest.

Other, 1-2-1, someone else.

They say sharing is caring and the next step beyond your ego – your belly button, is talking and sharing with someone.

We are social animals, and as humans, I’d like to think we’ve also become communication beings.

In communication, sometimes we miss how important asking the right questions is. More often than I’d like I see absolute faith in “give me the answers” or undiscussed assumptions, prejudices, or biases.

At work, whenever I meet someone and it’s likely we’ll collaborate for a while, I’ve got these flashing signals until I get a full sense somehow:

Is there a shared goal?
What’s the win-win?
What’s the power structure among us?
What motivates the person I’m talking to?
Do we share values, work ethics, standards, and how we like work to be done?
How are we different? Do differences between us lead to enriching each other or do they lead to friction and discrepancies?
What can I learn?
What’s the best way I can help?

Not always do I get to answer them all. More often, I have a good understanding. My approach right now? The more I know about someone, the better I can help. If there’s no interest or resources… I still try to do my best but I keep my energy and drive for something else. In the end, this exercise of self-reflection took me years, mistakes, and learning and you can get it into a healthy habit loop process… In my case, I’ve gotten better at making the process efficient, but I’m still fully aware it definitely takes more energy than just doing what I’m told without further questioning.

This way of thinking is not necessarily better than doing or replicating without questioning. In complex structures, doers are a key asset and some of them are awesome at just doing. I, for now, am not only focused on that.

So this, as anything you happen to read around here, it’s just another opportunity.

There is loads to do and to learn somewhere else for sure.

That said, as communication gets better so does the collaboration and relationship with your peers. On a different note, when it comes to group collaboration, you’ll get to see facilitators and mediocres. Those who are willing to push shoulder to shoulder with you and those that don’t. But that’s for a different post.

I know life is not black and white, but you’ve got 2 categories for your own thoughts.

Group, someone elses

Elses is when we communicate as part of a group, we are a minimum of 3-12 people.

Apart from what we’ve covered so far, I’d add emphasis on envisioning. In other words, the importance of a shared common view, that framework with a mission, goals, and how you become part of a bigger structure to help both, shared goals, your responsibilities and also look to different sides to check up on everyone is ok.

A few paragraphs above we were talking tennis, now we talk football.

A few paragraphs above we were playing solo, now we’ve got a cool big band!

Get to know the team. By this time you should already know not only the key questions to guide your communication but that they can be answered by paying attention. Have you ever heard of active listening? That’s it. Take notes wherever you go, go back to them and see what structure you get. Repeat.

With that approach, you shouldn’t be surprised that, more often than you might think, you get answers without asking directly. Just pay attention and give it a go.

Putting yourself in someone else’s shoes now gets very dynamic, and I’d say I’ve become a juggler of many hats. Being there for your colleagues sometimes is like that.

The chances of learning and doing great grow exponentially so do the chances to uplift the bar and definition of good and best. Aim for the best. This means the best it can be done in a given time. Records are not meant to be there forever but to be broken. Check commitment, personalities, skills, and talent. The only thing I’d add is to not put everything blindly on aiming for the best. Think twice and take time to understand where the team is at in terms of maturity. Playing in a band takes loads of rehearsing and playing in pubs before going to the big stages and festivals.

We get paid to get the job done, but that should never inherently mean that we do it at all costs and all the time. I doubt you could find a good reason – rather, an excuse – to help the team at someone else’s expense. Be aware of ups and downs, hiccups, and things getting funnier than expected. Embrace friction and pressure but always look out for your colleagues and those willing to share the trench.

When you share the trench, you don’t need to think about where it is that you point your focus, and it’s a good catalyst to let people show their real selves and separate good quality people from mediocrity fleshed out in pointing fingers and excuses.

It takes willingness, drive, and definitely some practice to get used to these 3 levels of communication. Yourself, one to one, groups. Eventually, it becomes a habit to be efficiently watered and taken care of.

It gets interesting, frustrating, and difficult at times, and also, for now, worthy. And of course, you get to meet very good people.